March 21, 2016
This morning I decided at the last minute that I wanted to get my hair “done.” I wanted it to be shampooed and styled by a professional because they do such a better job than I can.
Knowing that my “regular” stylist would be unavailable at the last minute, I decided to go to my “backup” salon.
As the stylist began shampooing my hair, I thought about how good it felt; she was scrubbing and massaging my scalp and the sensation just felt good…I was relaxed with my eyes closed and kept thinking “she is really scrubbing, and it was wonderful!”
Well, it continued to feel good until the third time that she began scrubbing…by this time my scalp felt tender…almost raw…Each time that I felt her fingers on my scalp it felt like daggers digging into my skin. No longer was I smiling and relaxed…Instead, what used to feel so good now felt painful…It was hurting me…
But why didn’t I tell her?
Why didn’t I let her know that she was hurting me? That this wasn’t “fun” anymore?
That I wanted her to STOP?
Was it because I felt I deserved it, as a result; that I chose to come to this salon?
Or was it because I felt I needed it so my hair could be beautiful at the end of the experience?
Why would I allow anyone to inflict any amount of pain on me and tell myself that it was okay?
Hmmmmm…..
Now let’s parallel this to the way some of us live our lives…
We allow heartache and pain to take up residence in our lives and then convince ourselves that it is okay.
We don’t tell them to STOP!
We already know that it doesn’t feel good when someone deliberately hurts us and is unapologetic for it but yet we remain in that same situation.
Still convincing ourselves that we deserved it or that it will get better with a little more time…
Or, that we don’t have another choice.
Hmmmmm….
In many instances remaining in an emotionally, psychologically and physically abusive relationship is really a choice in itself…
You choose to be more afraid of the unknown in the world if you left the situation than you are afraid of the actual situation.
We allow fear to paralyze our thought process and immobilize our ability to move towards change.
You choose just to build more walls and barriers around your heart and soul instead of creating plans about how to just totally demolish the negative situation that is hurting you.
You choose to deny your faith that will ultimately lead you and guide you along the path that God has created for you…not the path that this situation has led you on.
And you choose to let them keep hurting you because you remain in the situation.
You see, we are only treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated and we own the power of change.
But when we decide to use that power is aligned with the choices we make…We can choose to remain in a toxic situation, or we choose to embrace a new beginning.
So why do we continue to allow ourselves to be hurt?
In some instances, it’s because it’s easier…Other times it’s because we really have faith in the situation, and we think it’s going to work out….
But the faith should be with God and not with man…God paves your road…not the actions of others…
And I already know it’s hard to admit to yourself that you are really in pain, that your heart is broken and that you are in this situation and you feel “stuck” thinking “No way! This is not happening to ME!”
But accepting what it is and what it means is one of the first steps to moving towards peace…to not hurt anymore.
So as the stylist was finishing my hair I realized that my scalp was no longer sore, my skin actually felt rejuvenated, and I was pleased with the outcome.
BUT!!!
Washing hair is not synonymous with washing away pain!
Pain just doesn’t dissolve like bubbles and soap.
And may not be temporary and rinsed out either.
It has to be taken care of…it cannot be ignored because unlike the shampooing of hair it doesn’t disappear and get better within 30 minutes.
If left unattended it could hurt for an entire lifetime…that’s one of the reasons why so many people walk around with antiquated pain bottled up inside…they never said STOP! so it only fermented over the years and is now attached to their hearts…
Begin to say STOP! to people who hurt you.
Say STOP! to yourself for allowing the hurt to continue in your life.
Say STOP! to doing things that you know will hurt you in the long run.
And say STOP! to the situations that bring you pain…
It’s the only way to begin the process to “Get Over It!”
Lesson: Sometimes you have to STOP! before you can GO!
With Love,
Dr. Adair
“WhiteGirlSpeaks”
