“I Can’t and I Won’t Forgive…”



Best-selling author, publisher, motivational speaker and educator.

MEET dr. adair


October 21, 2015

One of the hardest things that I’ve I had to do in my life was to forgive someone who hurt me.

Someone who hurt me to the core…
Who lit a flame of pain in my spirit and lit a match to my soul…

My heart was on fire because of how I was treated and how badly I was hurting because of this person.

I remember that I couldn’t eat…I would raise the fork to my mouth, open my mouth, put the food in my mouth and then couldn’t chew.

I felt that I had no energy to eat because all of my energy had been saturated and drained with the hurt.

And “that person” did it to me.

I couldn’t sleep…tossing and turning for many nights trying to make the memory of that person disappear and devising ways to get back at them…

To make them hurt as I hurt…
To feel as I did.
To know heartache as I was feeling it…

Yes, I had it bad…I hurt so much so how could I begin to forgive that person?


I began by first forgiving myself for allowing me to be in that situation…

There were signs, but I chose not to read them.

Yes, I saw the signs but I made the decision not to read them.
I had to forgive myself for making poor decisions.

I also learned that I wouldn’t be able to forgive anyone or anything if I didn’t strengthen my Faith in God.

That if I didn’t believe in his ultimate power to lead me through the pain then I would never be able to truly forgive.

So I began to lean consistently on my shields of Grace, Faith and Mercy more frequently and began depending on my prayers being answered for that much-needed strength.

After that, I began allowing myself to heal and then forgiving myself for getting into that situation in the first place.

Only by first healing myself was I able to begin the process of forgiving the other person.

You see, I was no longer angry, hurt and confused.
And my heart began to beat normally when I thought of that person and situation.

I knew that forgiving them was a process, and it began by praying for them.
Wrapping them in my prayers daily and asking God to inject my spirit with more compassion and understanding.

Forgiving them was actually the final step in my own healing process, and I knew that the only way for me to truly move forward and to Get Over It! was to forgive them.

Walking that long, uncomfortable road of forgiveness is challenging but required if we want to heal our inner pain.

It’s needed if we want to free ourselves from the jail of hurt that we’ve sentenced ourselves to.

It’s required to liberate ourselves from the emotional enslavement to the mistakes of the past.

We have to write our own proclamation of freedom through our ability to forgive others…

This is the only way to 100% let our perpetrators of heartache and pain go.

And, it’s the heart of what it means to be a Christian.

Yes, I know that it’s hard to forgive others, and it does take time, energy, and efforts that we think we don’t have, but it is necessary.

If we don’t then the hurt never really goes away…
It emerges each time we see a person who hurt us and every time we think about the situation.

You can’t put Band-Aids on gunshot wounds and expect it to heal.
All it will do is become infected and compromise the rest of your body.
It will fester and eventually release toxins that can stagnate your personal growth.

And you succumb to the negative effects.

So you have to go in and do the surgery on that wound and then stitch it up so you can fully heal…
Forgiving others is that surgery, and you’ll need it to move forward in your life and your relationships with others.

I did it.

I performed surgeries in my life…not once or twice but numerous times…

I needed to.
I had to.
So I did.

It was the only way for me to Get Over It! so I could live an emotional prosperous life again…

Forgiveness is hard but living in a world of heartache and inner pain is harder…

Choose to forgive.

Lesson: If you don’t forgive those who hurt you then you are sentencing yourself to an emotional prison filled with anger, resentment, and hurt…There’s no “Get Out Jail Free” card for this kind of pain. Learn to let it go and begin the process of forgiveness by forgiving yourself.


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