You are probably asking “What does this have to do with believing in yourself and your dreams?”  Well, just as we use contraceptive methods to stop an unplanned pregnancy we need to create methods that stop us from birthing negativity in our lives and to control unhealthy thoughts and behavior. This is the “B” of the BELIEVE system that I created to teach others how to “Get Over It.”

I think that sometimes life feels so rough for us that we become hesitant in our thoughts about believing that we can actually get through the negative situation.  We begin to think that we cannot become empowered.  We feel trapped and stuck as though no one understands what we have already gone through and what we are currently going through.

As an educated, career minded, diligent and hardworking woman, I find that there have been times when it has been so difficult for me to share with others that I am hurting and that I need help.  It’s almost as though I am ashamed to admit that I am feeling weak and not in the position to be that “go-to” person at the moment.  My mind becomes filled with negative thoughts because my heart is confused and I simply don’t know how to ask for help because I think that no one knows what it is like to “be me.” So, I try to handle it all alone…

Not.
Negativity can only give BIRTH to negativity.

The power of positive thinking will give birth to positive behavior, but you have to first believe that you can get it done. If you do not own the power of change and positive thinking, then you will be pregnant with doubt and negativity.

When my mom died when I was only 14 years old, I had thoughts that I would never “make it” because I doubted my ability to follow the steps needed for success.  I dug such a deep hole for myself academically by not going to class in high school that graduation was at risk.  It wasn’t because I was not “smart” enough…it was because I didn’t work hard enough and now it seemed to catch up to me at that time. So I doubted myself and what my future could bring.

But in the end, it took someone else believing in me and offering me a chance to make a difference in my life.  I took that chance and made it into an opportunity that I used to earn my first college degree and eventually my doctoral degree.  Somewhere within the first two weeks of undergraduate school, I claimed ownership of the power of change and positive thinking and became impregnated with thoughts of success.

You see, I learned, and I knew at that point that the only child I wanted to give birth to was my dream — I would use a contraceptive method to control anything else that presented as a threat to that dream.  I would inject my heart and soul with the drugs of grace, faith, and mercy so I would be able to withstand any rejection, disapproval, and malicious behavior.  I would swallow pills of strength that would protect me against the diseases of despair, dishonesty, and disillusion.  I would not give birth to anything in my life that did not represent positivity, prosperity, and promise.  This became the foundation of my future.

Part of knowing that you BELIEVE is taking your birth control.  Filling your mind and spirit with the medication needed to sustain your faith and anesthetizing any traveling negativity that seeks to impregnate your mind and plant seeds of doubt. This is the only way to move forward with fulfilling your dreams.  It is the only way to control the stones that may be thrown along the path that you take to greatness.  I learned long ago to bury the negativity that existed in my life and that if I used Birth Control at the very beginning, then I would be attending fewer funerals at the end.

There are times that you will need a contraceptive method to protect you from the people (i.e. family and friends) who love and know you the most. Sometimes these can be those toxic relationships that your heart and spirit need protection from. If you fail to use your artillery to protect them, then all of your efforts of being a foot soldier emerging from the trenches will be wasted, and you will be “sucked” into a vacuum of negativity and despair.  You will believe what they tell you before you believe what is in your heart and guided by your spirit.  The only way to kill the virus of negativity is to create a contraceptive method to protect you against it before it appears in your life….Your artillery.

I have a friend, whom I will call Kristen, who has absolutely refused to take her birth control throughout her entire life.  She is constantly pregnant with problems, negativity, despair, anxiety, and hurt.  She has not “wrapped it up,” swallowed her daily pill or received any injection to protect her life against things that hurt.  Instead, she continues to be infected with viruses that run through her bloodstream.

Kristen loves to be loved.  She loves the attention that comes along with being loved so she can’t say “No!” when she thinks that someone wants to love her.  She thinks that she is unable or incapable of rejecting a man who has decided that he wants to love her….even if he is already married.  So she has spent years participating in relationships where she is the “side chick” and adhering to the “rules of engagement.”  She has convinced herself that this is all that she needs and all that she deserves, so she believes the lies that have become truths in her life.

I remember the first time I found out what Kristen was doing and, of course, I was aghast…I wanted to really understand how she could play this role and still smile about it.  I needed to know how an intelligent, independent, successful woman could make a choice and believe that it was okay to be a “side chick.” Kristen simply explained it as “I don’t have anything to do with his other life.”  Really?

Kristen felt as though she were the one in control…as though she called the shots and could determine the “who, what, when, where, when and how” of the relationships while still maintaining her freedom.  But I absolutely disagree.  How can one be in control of your own life when your daily actions are dependent upon the actions of somebody else’s life?  What type of birth control are you using to protect your sanity?  Your heart? Your dreams?  You can’t possibly have dreams about loving someone fully and freely if he legally loves someone else….What am I missing?  Hmm…

So Kristen says she is happy…she says that this is the life she has chosen for herself, and she can live with it. Over the years, I have watched Kristen shift gears, and things that used to be important to her have shifted to a different list and were no longer at the top.  She has convinced herself that “settling” has been her dream all along…Yes, it looks as though the heart and soul of Kristen have been impregnated with a life that she didn’t dream about…All because she didn’t use birth control as a tool of her artillery kit.

So how is this related to you? You have to create your own emotional, mental, spiritual and psychological contraceptive method to protect yourself against the mental toll of negativity. You have to build your artillery that allows you to believe that you will not defer any of your dreams.  You will discover methods that enable you to work towards your dream so that you can live your dream.  Will there be good and bad days?  Yes.  But there should never be “I give up” days that stop you from reaching goals.  Your birth control will guard against the unwanted pregnancies of negativity, fear, confusion and doubt.  Your chosen contraceptive method will stop any fertilization of negative forces that emerge to destroy your dreams.  And you will create your own weapons of mass destruction to abort any toxins in your life that seek to destroy your dreams.

I have really learned over time that just because you “walk away” from negative situations, people and things, does not mean that you have “given up.”  It just means that you made a choice to take your Birth Control.

Are you STILL taking your BIRTH CONTROL?

With Love,

Dr. Adair